Wantings

So it's been a while...more than a year while...but let's not dwell on that.

With graduation coming at me like a high-speed Euro train, my mind has been consumed with thoughts of the future. Every little detail needs to be planned out...yet I have no solid plans on which to anchor my details, so I ultimately end up thinking in endless little dizzying circles (not unlike carousel rides on the gyrating ponies).

I got an internship offer from the Center for Public Integrity...I really want it...but at the same time it's scary accepting it. It's ending my endless unknown.

I have come to a point though, where I must accept that there are things I know for sure. I find comfort in saying I'm unsure of everything...but I'm breaking down. I am, indeed, sure of a few things.

I want my own place.
I want it on or off of New Hampshire Ave.
Somewhere between the old Black neighborhood and the new Gay one.
I want hardwood floors and stainless steel.
I want passersby to admire that candlelight coming from my bedroom windows.
I want the summer night calm to drift through them and rock me to sleep.
And in the winter, I want to find comfort in hot chocolate and homemade quilts.
I want a cat.
A ginger one...or maybe bleu.
I want friends to visit for dinner parties and drink too much wine.
I want to listen to weird music...because it makes me happy.
I want to be with him.
I do.
I want to walk down the street and feel like the flyest, most swagger-having bitch in the city.
I want the breeze to flip my bangs just right.
I want rain boots.
I want to wear dresses and feel like a flower.
I want to fall asleep in the middle of a field without a care in the world.
I want to leave this place...without anyone knowing, yet trusting me to trust myself.
I want to make my family happy.
I want money to never affect my mood. ever. again.
I want to show my friends that I care, even if it's not the way everyone else does.
I want to be OK with the mistakes I've made.
And stop reciting bullshit to make myself feel better.
I want to know me. love me. and want me.
I want a bike...and I want to rarely ride it.
I want to be a hipster...and have hipster friends who drink PBR and play outside.
I want to know I'm on the right path.
I want to know I'm a good person.
And I want everyone else to know that, too.
I want to go to concerts and art shows.
I want to get in really good shape.
I kinda want to henna my hair.

I think I'm done. (writing, not wanting)

Peace.

--TR